Thursday, November 11, 2010

We're Doomed, part 39373438293034812.333

Wake up, see this what do?

God will decide when to end the Earth, not man. The obvious inference is that Congressman Shimkus thinks humans cannot destroy the Earth, or hurt its habitability. Terrific.
Watch this crazy shit here.  I'm amazed.  I really think he's just bullshitting because no one can be this retarded and hold office right?

Whatever happened to god helping those who help themselves?

Sorry I haven't been working on my blog for a while due to life circumstances and I've been making a little money digitizing ooooold documents for my father's business and at the end of the day I'm tired of typing.  If you're living at home on your parents' dime you might as well contribute to their ability to make money to pay for you.  This weekend I'm going to relax (ha!) at Anime USA where I'm also volunteering (because I don't have enough things to do).  I can't remember the last time I actually sat and watched something but it's going to be free, I'll get to push around nerds and hang out with people I know.

And of course buy a sugoii love-pillow ^___________________________________^

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Hurts So Good

Aww yeah, gotta love politics.  So I'm just watching CNN because nothing else is on and BAM this shit comes on.  I don't want to influence how you view it so watch and then scroll down because page breaks isn't working how I want...

I hope you see what I see.

Gotta love that race baiting xenophobia. Jesus Christ, it's so falsely menacing and preys on emotion more than policy. The Chinese are laughing at YOU and laughing at your penis size. AND WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE CHINESE MEN?! THEY'LL NEED WIVES BECAUSE THEY KILL ALL THEIR GIRLS THEY'LL TAKE OUR WHITE DAUGHTERS!!!! Citizens United fucked America hard and dry with their Supreme Court case that eventually lead to letting corporations spend unlimited and anonymous funds on political ads. Who's ready for never ending elections?

Monday, November 1, 2010

Back, From Outer Space

Well, what a hectic week.  I'm glad all that's over now.  Also it kept me from ranting about politics which is good.  I've been so frustrated with this election cycle (like they all aren't horrible nightmares) and sometimes I couldn't tell if I was watching a disaster film on Syfy or a special edition of Fox News Reports.  There was a bright spot, however.

So moe I'm gonna die~
I'm all ready to do my civic duty tomorrow, and I'm lucky my polling location is across the street :D.  Please remember if you are eligible to vote, you should.  I don't have any party affiliation but there's no advantage is sitting out on elections.  Even if you don't vote on candidates there are ballot measures that can impact you relating to tax collection, infrastructure, and in some areas WEED BRO.  Republican, Democrat, Indepenedent, or other...let your voice be heard.  Sure the American political system is pretty broken and holds voters hostage to two polarized sides, but it's what we've got right now and if you let "the other guys" discourage you then you've just been disenfranchised.  It's not about patriotism or flag waving.  As an American voter you have a modicum of power to wield as you wish so not using it is just throwing away a gift that not few in the history of the world have known. Don't let it go to waste, don't ignore the struggle of your fellow countrymen (and women).

Sunday, October 24, 2010


Wow, I am just feeling so exhausted this week.  Tons of driving around and parties and working, I am just out of energy to do much of energy.  That was, until I found this song.  I have no idea who this guy is but I love the song, the music and the message.  It's B&W related, but I think it's a bit positive too.

It does contain some f-bombs and other objectionable language, so watch your volume at work.

Cee Lo Green - F**k You from Matthew Stawski on Vimeo.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Tonight, a Very Special Episode of Derp Files, 2/??

First of all, wow! I'm so happy to hit 100 followers. One hundred plus people think this is good stuff. This week's been a bit hectic, but I'm going to continue on with some ethical stuff, expanding on something I wrote a few years ago. It's kind of long so I'm trying page breaks again. I plan to do something special as a thanks for 100 follows. Always gotta top myself. PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS ON THIS, I WOULDN'T MIND HAVING A DISCUSSION ON THE TOPIC.

And now, let's time travel back to my high school ethics class.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Hobo With a Shotgun?!

Who's ready for some work distractions?

This looks simply amazing.  I love the look of it, great stylization.  Rutger Hauer is the MAN, you can't deny it.

Friday, October 15, 2010



I'm not quite sure what this is, but Japan always seems to make me laugh with sheer random delight.

Just in time for Halloween, a ridiculous series on Fearnet about killer zombie squirrels.  You know you always wanted it.  Watch it free here.
I especially like how the squirrels can pull a full grown man under a car.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Let's Get Serious, or The Good Life (1/?)

Have you ever felt like the Universe is trying to tell you something?  Do you ever feel the hand and presence of Jehovah guiding every action of your life and whispering in your ear?  If so, click here.  Anyway, what I mean is that, sometimes coincidences happen and your brain fills in the gaps it needs to to make things come together in a meaningful way. 

A while ago I mentioned I had been thinking about death and the meaning of life.  There were some reasons for that which I will get to.  But yesterday I was driving happily to a friends house to do some of the nerdy things we enjoy.  I was about to drive through my green light, while traveling at the legal speed limit of 55 mph  when some jerk coming the other way decides he's going to try and make a left turn, he then slowed down and I think he even stopped right in front of me.  I slammed on my breaks and missed/stopped short of hitting him by maybe a foot.  I didn't think was going to stop in time, my life flashed before my eyes, and I faced my past in all it's "glory."

I remembered that I had promised to write about this kind of stuff, and I "felt" like it was divine inspiration.  Also, fuck you Manipulator...scared the piss out of me.  Please read on if you'd like to read my thoughts on life, working through depression and tragedy, and finding personal meaning.  There will be multiple parts so I can draw this well as elaborate on points I feel are helpful.  This is for you guys.  I came up with this idea because I was reading a bunch of blogs that seemed so sad and down, hopeless even.  Unfortunately what is to come will be painful, but ultimately uplifting and strengthening.  If you want to just get some quick tips and skip the back-story no worries, click the read more and go to the bottom of the post.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Haha, Oh Wow.

I was just browsing through my groups and looking for stuff to do this week and saw a discussion in the Center For Inquiry DC that looking interesting.  That's where I found this:

Evidently it was from a presentation by Sam Harris and possibly part of his new bookd The Moral Landscape. I know it's hard to read, so here is a full pdf of it with tons more info if you care to look.  I think the image makes a striking statement that many of us already knew, but to SEE it hammers home the point.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Ode on a Greasy-ian Beard.

Here's a little something I wrote in celebration of my facial hair.  Haters gonna hate, but you know you're jelly.

Not me, but I wish it were.

My beard is awesome. Why? Because it's a friggin multitasker. It keeps my face warm, shields my skin from wind and sun, detects danger, scares away said danger, demonstrates my fitness and health, signals my maleness from long distances like a tiny little sailor with semaphore flags, and is a monument to the mastery of nature as a testament to some 14 BILLION years of cosmological evolution and 4.5+ billion years of terrestrial, biological evolution. Billions of species evolved, fought and died to gift me this wonderful facial device. How could I refuse such a gift, built of the lifeblood of humanity's most ancient forefathers? Brothers and sisters in Christ? Maybe....maybe....but we are all brothers and Beard.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Sunday, October 10, 2010


I tried Minecraft MP for the first time. Very interesting stuff, but super glitchy and it made constructing stairs really hard. I really need to find a program that will take dictation and type it up for me because I lose way too many thoughts and my arm keeps going numb when I type a lot. Anyway, here's something cute and informative.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Can't Sleep, Creeper Will Blow Me Up

Somehow I've become addicted to Minecraft.  However like anything I get into, my passion wanes in proportion to my interest at first.  Also I sure as hell don't have enough patience for this thing, and losing my stuff when I die pisses me off to no end.  At least I'm not aspie as fuck, right? 

Have some entertainment on this cool fall evening.

Thursday, October 7, 2010


Just can't get enough of this.  Smoke TF2 erryday

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Explain This Please (Warning Explicit Content)

All right, I guess I did have enough in me to write a short piece inspired by something a friend was recently telling me.  My problem is with the content of TV shows.  How is it okay for Law and Order to vividly describe violent rape of children including likes like "tearing her vagina to shreds" and "jamming a mop handle into her vagina until her uterus bled" and other horrible things, ALL ON NETWORK TELEVISION, but words like "shit" are wholly unacceptable?  I'm not a prude or anything, I just don't like to watch that stuff anymore because it makes me too sad.  Having met and gotten to know many survivors/victims of abuse, it just isn't the same. 

I feel the same way, Elliot.

But my issue is with the presentation of the content.  Do you see what I'm getting at here?  Is the sight of a nipple or bare buttocks WORSE and more socially destructive than an explicit description of the rape and murder of a young child while some evil character looks on with wide, gleeful eyes at the crying parents?  I really don't think so.  It's an issue that's the central theme of the South Park movie where Americans are outraged at "naughty words" but are completely fine with violence and death, even enthusiastic about it.

The news media can (but doesn't often) show the bloody aftermath of car bombs, suicide attacks, military engagements, and the like.  Yet they would be fined for using "inappropriate language" or showing a nude person.  It just seems insane to me to have such a backwards standard.  No one, I think, can make the case that a naked human is going to be more traumatic to me or anyone else than hearing 10 minutes of a woman talking about how she was gang raped.  Even those who say "it's for the children," I don't see how they can make this argument in a useful way.

That being said, of course I know I can change the channel.  I already said I do.  Yet these standards apply to any broadcast in the USA.  The rules set up by the FCC aren't probably understood to anyone but a lawyer, and those guys are f@&*kers.  What?  I said they're f@&*kers.  Oh G*d, they've c*me for me!  Nipples never hurt anyone.  I don't see why institutionalized shame has to be perpetuated about the human body and taboo words.  They evolved for a reason and serve a function in all languages, why can't they be used in an appropriate context in a program?  Why is it okay to continue feeding society's hunger for more violence and depravity, but we can't use the "wrong" words oh no!

I doubt anything will ever change (moving at the speed of government) but someday in the future it'd be nice to hear a more realistic line in an episode of Law and Order: San Angeles like, "Yeah it fucking hurt when he obliterated my womb with a shit-ton of TNT, that abortion doctor was a cunt." 
You're under arrest for violating a woman with the three seashells.


I'm sorry to all my followers that I haven't seriously updated in a while.  I hurt my back last week and I've been on doctor ordered bed rest the whole time.  Typing while laying down is a pain in the neck, literally, so I've been recording things on my voice recorder and will hopefully update when I can sit long enough to bang it all out.

I've been thinking very heavily about life, the universe, and everything.  What it means to live a good life, death, mortality and human frailty.  Hopefully it'll be interesting to some when I am finally able to type it up.  And it'll be walls of text for all.   In the meantime, listen to something real men listen to when feeling down.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Oh God, Why Am I Doing This?

A friend of mine recently sent me this video that seems to be a tech demo and demo for some game coming out on the 3DS.  I think it's a dating game, but I'm not into that stuff.  What interests me is the philosophical discussion:  2D has now become 3D, is it now pig-disgusting?  And where is your God now?

Friday, October 1, 2010

Come Fly With Me, Lesbian Seagull

Okay, so this post has nothing to do with lesbians or seagulls...but it does involve females and birds.

  So after that jarring introduction, check out this video about falcons and the gos hawk.  The second bird's flight reminds me of the speeder bike scene from Return of the Jedi.  How this creature can maneuver so deftly in a dense forest amazes me.  I bet it's wicked good at vertical shooter games. The falcon has always fascinated me, they dive so incredibly fast and pull Gs that would make a human pass out or die. 

Mankind has always envied and revered birds for their ability to soar above our world.  Many ancient cultures worshiped them as gods, attributed them magical powers, and sought to join them in the sky either physically or spiritually.  They never got to see a view from the back of one, so maybe you'll feel the same way after this clip.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Cooking With Derp 2: The Cookening

Well folks, its raining like crazy here and I'm feeling a bit down so how about some tasty food to cheer us up?  I like to eat healthy, and I'm working on losing weight but I also love food.  It's quite possible to balance it all out and eat great, lose weight, drop your cholesterol and all that.  Last time I showed you a soup recipe, so now let's go to the dessert.  Just like a table setting, we're working from the outside in.

Don't eat it just yet, finish your greens.

If you don't like fruit, then there's something wrong with you.  Strawberries are one of my favorites.  They go on anything, and even with a certain unlikely ingredient  that's featured in the dessert today: balsamic vinegar.  This recipe is, from what I read, a more European equivalent of strawberry shortcake.  It also happens to be a lot healthier. Depending on how you make it the caloric value is about 150 calories, way better than ice cream or pound cake.

So, you'll need:
2 cups sliced strawberries
1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
Pinch of freshly cracked black pepper
1 Tbsp butter (if you're using a pan, keep reading)
2-4 wedges/slices of angel food cake (can use sugarless if you want)
1" thick Whipped cream (if you like)

Slice strawberries however you like and put them in a bowl with the balsamic and pepper to marinate for about 15 minutes.  Heat up a grill, stovetop grill or skillet.  If using the skillet add the butter, otherwise you don't need it.  Throw your slices of angel food cake on and cook it on med until it browns and caramelizes slightly.  Remove to a plate and add the strawberries and liquid.  Finish with a small scoop, SMALL, scoop of whipped cream if you like.  I personally don't care for it so I added nothing but a little powdered sugar for contrast.
Oh lawd, you just want to lick your screen now don't you?
You might be turned off at first but you should really give it a try.  The only really expensive ingredient is the balsamic.  With this stuff you really do get what you pay for.  You don't have to get the 100 dollar bottle that's locked up and in a wooden crate, but don't get the 2 dollar store brand bottle.  Good balsamic vinegar has a mild flavor and when mixed with the strawberries it really enhances the sweetness and rounds it out giving the whole dish a full-bodied flavor.  The texture of the strawberries is just starting to change, especially if you're using the fresher kind which is still firm, and mixed with the crunchy sweetness of the angel food cake...well, your mouth will be singing trust me.  

All in all you can't beat a simple, fancy and healthy dessert.  Try making it for your special person, show off to mom and dad, impress the kids, apologize to the neighbor for all that loud, creepy sex you're always having (no one likes a braggart, and bringing home drifters is unsafe), or just dine in alone and have an evening with the cats and Tom Bergeron.  

Just Another Day At The Office?

What is precision walking?  I didn't know either until I saw this video of some Japanese men in business suits.  It's interesting to watch if just for the strangeness of the whole thing.  Enjoy.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Thank you, Gracias, Grazie, and ありがとう

Woo! A personal milestone, 50 followers. I've been hard at work writing, drafting, promoting, and in some cases fellating strangers asking strangers politely and trying to get people to check out my stuff. Seems to be working. I really appreciate it. I'm even working on new segments (the cooking one seems popular) and I have a few things in mind that I'm sure will amaze and impress.

So now, in honor of your service...SUBMITTED FOR YOUR APPROVAL.. A SPECIAL, SEALED DERP FILE.  Wrested from the treacherous bowels of the Federal Derp of Investigation HQ in Northern Virginia, this ancient and twisted movie review for Sex in the City 2, and the innaugural post of a new Derp Files segment:  Derp at the Movies.   Now that the bar has been set so high, what the hell am I going to do for 100 followers?  I'd like to find out, wouldn't you?

So I decided to see what all the hub-ub was about and snuck in to see Sex and the City 2. Somehow I was alone...and there was a fell wind blowing (or the AC was cranked). Fifteen minutes in, I noticed a flickering in the corner of my eye-which I ignored at first. Then it became more noticeable and the world grayed and twisted like softened metal sagging under its own weight. Layers of Immaterium stretched out before me and I saw all the bloody history (and future) of man stretched to infinity around me. My mind reeled, I tried to stand only to vomit up purple ichor filled with un-popped kernels of corn that had laughing skulls for faces. "EMPEROR GIVE ME STRENGTH!" I shouted through the endless stream of bile. Sarah Jessica Parker turned to me from the screen, which now appeared like a roiling sea of malice and Cosmos, and opened her mouth to emit a howl somewhere between a T-Rex roar and a bleating goat.

Somehow my mind knew that she wasn't truly making a sound, it was being transmitted into my mind directly by some blasphemous magik. My vision swelled with red, the red of my own blood as I cried tears of it. My ears pounded and screamed in terror from the illusory assault. Parker's face distorted, layer upon layer, her movement leaving a vauge vibrating image like a motion blur that retained intelligent, independent movement. A thousand faces of an increasingly reptilian SJP snapped, one by one, in my immediate direction and cracked a feral, predatory smile that nearly stopped my heart. I fell to my knees in terror, babbling incoherent streams of consciousness as my soul was subjected to a billion prying eyes of pure Chaos. My very DNA trembled with fright. My Y-chromosomes began to commit seppuku, my X-chromosomes were left to envy the dead.... My blood-soaked eyes were glued to the screen as the horrors only increased, evil laughter-like ice sheets hitting a ship's hull- swirled around the room. It's evil, physical intensity left cuts on my skin like flying glass.

Then, as my very Essence teetered on the precipace.....the screen began to melt in the shape of a man. It was Sam Neil's character from Event Horizon. He walked straight to me, passing through the seats in front as if they were but mist. He stepped closer, and in the dull, purple light I could see his eyes were gaping, hollow sockets of ruinous flesh. "Where we're going, you won't need eyes," he hissed with a supernatural malevolence. "Oh thank the gods," I exhaled, sagging even further on my knees. As his cold, dead thumbs penetrated my vitrea, I smiled, knowing I wouldn't have to watch this crap any longer.


That concludes our broadcast for today

Get Equipped with....New Post!

Before I go head out for the day I thought I'd share my love of a certain man, of the mega variety. A friend sent me this link recently and I feel like EVERYONE needs to know about this game. I'm a huge Mega Man fan, especially the NES ones, I still have my cartridges for most of them. Anyway, if you don't get excited for these videos, you might want to check your pulse to see if you're dead.

Look at all those weapons, the carefully crafted and themed maps. This is going to be AMAZING! Like it said, there will probably be balance issues, but I don't really care it looks too gorgeous.

Here's a trailer. Check out more details at

Let's all become Robot Masters.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Excuse me, WTF R U DOIN

Time for the meaty, texty post of the day.

This morning I went to have my blood drawn, got me some medical problems...very sad tale but it's for another post.  Anyway I go into the lab and put my name down and go sit in the waiting room.  Eventually I hear my first name, but some weird last name.  "Mr. Derp Seeuh*?  Derp Seeuh?"  I was the only male there so I figured it was me.  I go up to the lady and say " name is Garcia*."  She laughs and looks at me then chuckles while saying, "huh you don't LOOK like a Garcia."

....the fuck?

So I go sit down and she's prepping to draw my blood and starts grilling me about my ethnic background.  She sneered at me and asked if I spoke Spanish.  I told her I speak a little and she fucking "tsk"d at me.  She asked me my mother and father's ethnicity after which she flatly said.  "Well then you're white."  This is because I was not racially pure enough for her I guess.  And yeah once again, I just made it clear I was uncomfortable but didn't say anything to her about it other than "uh...yeaaaaaaah," and "riiiiiiiiiight."  I mean, what do you do when someone starts interrogating you about your ethnic purity?

Personally I'm not a fan of "ethnic pride" "racial pride" or "national pride."  To me it seems so petty and archaic.  The world we live in now is so global and immediate that cultures clash on a minute by minute basis.  I get that people want to have a special group identity, they want to belong and feel special but all this petty tribalism is going to bring us down in the end.  Fostering a sense of equality and unity despite differences in skin, language, national origin is what I'm all about.  Why do Americans hate French people?  No one knows.  I bet if you asked someone on the street they couldn't come up with a reason, or maybe they'd say "Well they're snooty and herpderpy."  First off, that's mostly Paris, secondly have you ever even met a French person?  Probably not.  Are they really any bigger dicks than Americans?  Probably not.  Have you ever met someone from New York City?
But yes, it's just endless stupidity.  No you are not special, no you are not superior because you have special skin or fell out of the right vagina in the right spot on the planet Earth.  You evolved from the same extinct primates as everyone else, your distant cousin is a fucking Chimapanzee that drinks its own urine in the zoo and flings its shit at you for giggles.  You're a few tiny tiny tiny amino acids away from that.  Get the FUCK over yourself.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some minority scholarships to apply for.

*not my real name, but you get the idea.


I don't know why but Arnie is always good for inspiration. I love his movies, I love his cliched acting style, and I love his figure (no homo bro).

Best 10 min you'll spend today, also check out the sequel.


Friend of mine showed this to me tonight.  HELL YEAH!

Monday, September 27, 2010

Don't Know Derp About Nothin' or Sure is Beta in Here

So yes, I recognize I posted today already, but technically that was my one for 9/26.  My goal is to do 1-2 a day, a commitment like a songwriter makes to write a new song every week and by the end you'll have a decent body of work with good bits filtering out and being refined.  Thankfully writing a few paragraphs of what's on my mind is easier.  It might be harder when I'm researching things.  Also, I'm still not completely satisfied with layout and look so things might/will continue to change until I get it super spiffy and cute and herpa derp to my satisfaction.  Any comments and critiques of the format are welcome.

Well, here's what has rustled my jimmies.  Friday night I went to a neighborhood party and met a woman about my age who's new to the complex.  In the course of introductions she mentioned she is a middle school history teacher.  If there's one thing I'm passionate about it's education.  I'm a nerd through and through and I love learning, I love facts, and I love science.  Of course, as many of my nerd brethren have experienced, when talking about our passions we forget ourselves and get a bit too enthusiastic.  My voice didn't crack or anything but there was gesticulating and the phrase "you know?!" was thrown about a bit too much.  As a history teacher I asked her about education standards and about historical misconceptions and changes made my school districts. Specifically I mentioned the issue in Texas where a school board is redoing their textbooks and making some changes like renaming slavery "Atlantic triangular trade" ( read more here).  I started going on about how the standards for textbooks are crap and how Texas and California basically wittingly or un- manipulate what the rest of the country gets to learn in their books in school.  I plan on writing a whole separate article on that later.  All in all I probably freaked her out by caring too much about education, sadfrog.jpg.

Later I was looking through bookmarks for things to inspire me and the first thing that caught my eye was a link to Eratosthenes, a Greek mathematician who calculated not only that Earth was curved, but it's circumference and axial tilt with a reasonable degree of accuracy, especially considering the time and tools.  Here's an even more interesting factoid:
His detractors, however, mocked Eratosthenes as a jack-of-all-trades and master of none. They called him Beta, because he came in second in every category (source Wired).
I'm sure there are a few people out there (wink wink) who will appreciate the nature of the highlighted.  Anyway, Eratosthenes was a smart guy and he calculated all these things using math and logic (read the source article above for more info and a handy picture that shows his method which involved measuring shadows) but who discovered the roundness of the Earth according to my history lessons as a child?  Christopher Columbus.  I don't know why this story gets the press it does, maybe it's just a better story: 
Christopher Columbus discovered the Earth was round AND AMERICA! That's right little Derpy, the country where you live!  He discovered it because he had a DREAM and IDEAS but he had GUTS and DETERMINATION and LOTS OF MONEY.  Remember Derpy, that's what AMERICA stands for.  That and the rape and destruction of many unique and interesting cultures through the spread of disease, war, and clashing theocracy! OH GOD PLEASE FORGET I SAID THAT, WH...WHAT?!  PRINCIPAL CHAMBLISS PLEASE DON'T!  I NEED THIS JOB!
Or maybe it's just easier
All right kids, who's ready for history?  Now I don't want to hear any groaning.  You're all 6 now, so you have to act like big boys and girls.  Today we'll be talking about trigonometry, geometry, and calculus.  Get out your graphing calculators and sextants.  HEY SHUT UP DERPY! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR SASS...AND THAT JOKE WAS WHOLLY INAPPROPRIATE, WHERE'D YOU LEARN THAT WORD?!
No, it's probably just momentum.  People have a tendency to remember information the way it's given, especially if they trust the source and it conforms to their belief structure.  This is why it's so important for the education system to remain balanced and impartial.  Believe it or not, students trust that teachers have the answers and are right.

Just imagine you are conversing with someone and they mention Columbus discovering the Earth is round.  You smile and nod and let it slip, you are a very bad person.  Alternately imagine correcting them
Um, well you may not know this but the Earth was known to be a sphere as far back a the 2nd century B.C.E.  A Greek mathematician named Eratosthenes...
This is when your conversation partner would interrupt you and say, "Yeah, well bub I learned this in school okay?  I think I know what I'm talking about here."  And then you just end up looking like a huge asshole trying to act "all smart and crap."
Era who?  Shut up and give me your fries.
As I've gotten older I've learned that "adults" don't always have the answers and that much of what I learned in school was inaccurate.  When I got the book Don't Know Much About History (which you can find on Amazon here) by Kenneth C. Davis, I learned all kinds of things that got skipped in class.  Sure, it's about American history, but as an American I was so glad to have a history lesson that cut through the mythology of our past.  Just like how people like to forget the facts, they like to gloss over the past and imagine it with fondness as some idyllic fantasy. All of his books are really great and well researched and highly recommended.

Cooking With Derp

Oh boy, I bet this is going to take a while, trying to get used to blogging is hard, and burns lots of calories.  Calories that need to be replaced, so that brings us to the first installment of Cooking With Derp!

Here I'll present a recipe that's easy, healthy and nutritious.  Until recently I couldn't stand eggs, the smell of them cooking would make me more than a little nauseated, but then I remembered the classic American-Chinese egg drop soup (also slightly inspired by a poster on one of my fave fitness boards talking about how he has it every morning).  I looked it up and it was SO EASY.  I've been making it every morning for the past week and I've had no stomach issues or sensory problems either.  More after a little teaser.

You want to nom me....don't you?  Yes...give in

Many people still believe that eggs are bad for you.  You need fat, and food cholesterol won't really affect your blood cholesterol.  Heck, some eggs are advertised as high in Omega-3 which is prescribed even for reducing bad cholesterol.  If you really want to I'm sure you could use Egg Beaters or whatever but I wouldn't try it.  The only real health thing you might want to worry about is the sodium, but I'll address that later.

So!  What do you need?

2 cups chicken broth (I prefer low sodium to adjust the flavor more)
2 large eggs (large is a grading size)
A saucepan
A bowl (or two if you're a bit paranoid like me)
1-2 tablespoons of corn starch (more = thicker)
Salt, pepper, parsley to taste

Pour the broth, reserving a little, into the saucepan and heat.  Add the desired amount of cornstarch to a bowl or the measuring cup you used for the broth and then pour in the reserved broth.  Mix the two until dissolved thoroughly, should look like milk.  Now crack two eggs in a separate bowl and scramble.  when the broth boils, add the corn starch mixture and stir.  Wait for it to boil again then turn off the heat, begin to stir the liquid in the pan quickly but evenly in one direction as you slowly pour the eggs into the hot broth.  The heat of the broth instantly cooks the egg and leaves those distinctive strands of egg floating along (pictured). 

You can now season as you like.  As I said, I use low sodium broth so I can have it the saltiness I like.  I add parsley flakes only because I didn't have any fresh when I took these pictures yesterday. Freshly cracked black pepper is also a must have, depth of flavor my friends.   Whenever you're ready, pour the soup in a fresh bowl, or you can use the one you had the eggs in if you're so inclined.  Nom and enjoy life.

If you're counting calories the meal as I prepared is only ~250 calories and 14g of carbs (about one servings of carbs according to ADA guidelines for my 'beetus bros out there).  Be careful and let it cool off or you'll burn yourself bad because it really is thick and will cling to your mouth.  The best part is that it's that it's hearty and has protein, carbs, and fat so it'll give you energy and keep you full.  It's easy to prepare, and you can make it in huge batches in whatever ratio you want (1:1 eggs/broth  or 1:2).  The 1:2 is more like you'd get at a restaurant but I like it my way because it's thicker and I don't feel uncomfortably full after getting my two daily eggs.  Some might balk at the corn starch, and it's not necessary really but it rounds it out as a meal and makes it much more filling and "traditional."  Experiment with it and find what you like, that's the philosophy behind cooking right?  I'm just a stepping stone.  Now if you'll excuse me, I have a snack to prepare.  See you soon.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Slowly but Surely

Didn't think I'd have something to write about already but wow. So, my super advanced washing machine broke a few weeks ago and we've been using the one our gracious neighbor has. Three weeks ago a tech showed up, after having been told what the problem and error code were, and didn't do squat. He looked at it and said "oh well you need a new part for that you have to order it and we'll send someone later." He knew what the error code was, why didn't he have the part already when he showed up a week after being called? I probably shouldn't mention names, but this was a major retailer of home appliances. So, we order the part and then call for a guy to come install it and guess what? Several week wait. Oh hell. So, flash forward through those weeks of hell to today and the service guy arrives. Everything's going well until he starts making some strange comments about Hispanics. He was talking about how "those Hispanic guys are small they can jump over these things and get back in those nooks," referrign to how the washer/dryer stack is in a closet. In my head I was thinking "oh, alright this is...uh weird," but nothing too bad.

Then came the Asian comments. He wasn't "allowed" to move the stuff so I had to do it all myself which was hard since both units are a few hundred pounds and bolted and in a little closet with an inch of room or less on each side. I was barefoot and he- apropos of nothing- says "you know them Asians don't wear shoes in their houses, you should move appliances in Asian folks' homes." I about dropped the dryer at that point. He goes on saying "yeah I dunno what it is but they don't wear shoes or nothing 'round their houses...something to do with the religion I think. To them (and he really did emphasize it) it's a sign of disrespect or something" then punctuated it with a chuckle. I swear to Thor he was like some kind of stereotype himself. He didn't have a thick Southern accent but he seemed like a good-old-boy. I don't know why but I thought of the exterminator from this Penny Arcade comic.  I think there's another one of the same guy where he rides the crow, but I couldn't find it. 

I feel like I should have spoken up, but I wanted him to fix it and be gone so I could get free hot dogs and beer at the condo cookout.  Justice died because I wanted hot dogs....holy derp.

Wow, who knew this stuff could be so hard? Been changing settings and stuff, trying to get it customized and comfortable. I have little clue as to how this all works, really but TAKE HEART FUTURE READERS I have plenty of content on the way. I just need to work out all this stuff about display names and layout really. I'm fickle sometimes and I want this thing to look pretty for when I actually get more stuff up to read and of course people to read it. So basically this is the official criticism post because I don't want dozens of emails if people have a gripe about the font or size or color.

Begun this Derp War Has

Well, I'm off to a good start huh?  Already got my nerdy reference in in the frakking title.  I've been meaning to write a blog like this for a long long time, and people have often (wrongly) assumed I'm creative and funny.  Well, I'll let the people decide that for themselves.

First thing, what is "derp."  I'm pretty sure it originated with the show South Park and the character of Mr. Derp from the episode "Succubus" (Season 3, Episode 3).  That was the first time I remember hearing it.  Here's a clip:

Anyway, this is from 1999.  I think the phrase got uttered a few more times in the years since, but my friend and I started using it as an exclamation sometime in there, probably 2000 or so.  "Derp" for us came before any of this "win" and "fail" stuff.  Derp was when something was so dumb, stupid, or out right ridiculous it made you laugh like Phil Ken Sebben, a harsh, quick, and derisive chuckle...the result of blowing a funny fuse even.  Derp is versatile enough to be used in place of oaths and swears.  I am pretty sure that "derp" is encoded in our DNA because even my 10 year old cousin gets it.  This blog is dedicated to bringing BITING, WITTY ANALYSIS (derp) of all those Derp-tastic moments in our world.

Stay frosty, people....this could get nasty.