|Not me, but I wish it were.|
My beard is awesome. Why? Because it's a friggin multitasker. It keeps my face warm, shields my skin from wind and sun, detects danger, scares away said danger, demonstrates my fitness and health, signals my maleness from long distances like a tiny little sailor with semaphore flags, and is a monument to the mastery of nature as a testament to some 14 BILLION years of cosmological evolution and 4.5+ billion years of terrestrial, biological evolution. Billions of species evolved, fought and died to gift me this wonderful facial device. How could I refuse such a gift, built of the lifeblood of humanity's most ancient forefathers? Brothers and sisters in Christ? Maybe....maybe....but we are all brothers and sisters...in Beard.