Hi, I'm probably an actor...or maybe even a real person attempting to look thoughtful. But that doesn't matter, you see, I have an opinion. It's completely uninformed and this commercial portrays me as THE COMMON MAN, just like you. Yes I'm just like you, with opinions, opinions you should have, because I'm just like you. I have no apparent reason to have an informed opinion on the matter in this spot. I am not an economist, sociologist, doctor, scientist, lawyer, legal scholar, judge, officer of the peace, active duty military, or even a politician. I'm presenting myself as nothing but a 70 year old in a hat with the name of a U.S. Naval vessel on it, or maybe a company name with “...& son(s)” to show I'm a businessman AND family man. I have CHARACTER, which is all that matters. This whole ad is premised on you being a complete idiot and buying into me being just like you. In fact, it's highly insulting that someone would even make this spot. Can you imagine how contemptuous this whole thing is? I mean, I'm obviously reading from a script, and there is probably some tiny print in a corner that was flashed for a second that you-being old- can't see too well that says Dramatization. So remember, tell your Congressman, your congressman who was voted into office because I was the one who told you he's the kind of man I'd like to sit and have a beer with- because he's a common man just like me and the best decisions are made on a six pack of moderately priced domestic 12 oz canned beer. Something real traditional and American like Budweiser or Busch not of that Sam Adams crap, that brewery still has craft brewer status, you know what word is associated with craft? “Art.” Who likes art? Homosexuals. Are you a homosexual? Good, I didn't think so. And Sam Adams was a revolutionary and trouble maker. Who starts revolutions? Young people and hippies. Well anyway where was I? Oh yes, tell your congressman to vote yes (or no) on Bill _____ against your own personal interest. Because I'm an old guy in a hat with an opinion. An opinion you should have because I obviously represent the common man, and you're one too right? You don't want to be different, do you? Being different is what communists are. You remember them, don't you? They killed your friends. And 9/11 changed everything.
(This ad paid for by a special interest group who hopes you don't look into this matter on your own and formulate your own, informed opinion so they paid an old guy who's equally clueless to tell you what to think because they hope you just see an old white man from a Pepperidge Farm commercial talking about jobs, and money, and restoring America and not the board of directors of a conglomerate who stand to profit massively off of your mishandled tax dollars being appropriated for substandard construction projects, dangerous drilling sites, and environmental destruction. I mean, you know this bill will just make them more rich/eliminate economic barriers/remove their industry from oversight, so they have more money to spend creating tiny political action committees to donate even more dollars to the politicians so they'll approve more favorable measures for powerful special interests to continually enhance their wealth and political power in a never ending cyclical vortex orgy of dollar bills, cocaine, strippers, and truck-stop gay hookups, maybe even a few covered up illegitimate children/abortions, and murders. All of it devolving with ever increasing rapidity, fed by an insatiable lust by the public for ever more violent and nasty behavior by the people around them...spiraling down a drain hewn from the bones of sentient, loving creatures into the Disposal unit of damnation to be ground by the gears of mediocrity into a paste of hate, racism, violence, and willful ignorance into a dank, poisonous sewer from which there is no return. That's when it will Truly Begin)
